just when i thought i was loosing grasp,

my baby helped me get a grip again , im so thankful to have him. despite everything we have been through. i know he loves me and that we are in this together, for real <3 no matter how crazy, twisted, ugly, and dirty things get. He is still there. hes so amazing to me, and i am blessed to have someone like him .

(Source: modriazul)

wow i really have been gone for a minute.

the amount of messages D:

awww you guys really DOOOOO love mee <3

well since ive gotten my iphone i really havent been using my laptop like at all! lol i had to search for my charger lOl . yeaaa i know im lamesauce

but if you everr needa find me you can catch me on instagram :) always lOl

@ad0reemodri <3

(Source: modriazul)

Chapter two” page thirteen .

tomorrow is VDAY GOUISE : ] the excitement hasnt hit me until just today….

its been like a year since i’ve legit spent valentines day w| someone special.

i hooked my baby up too <3 got him the glasses he wanted &” a hoodie from hollister with a little cute puuppy thingie :) so excited to see his reaction.

we gonna do dinner & a movie. you know.. simplee shit.

but guys he did something really weird today tho, he basically shoved 1OO$ in my pocket because i’ve been crying so much about an iphone and how i want it so bad so we can be an “iphone couple" (joking and shit) LMBO but he really wont take it back, i put it in his coat pocket once he gave it too me, then i found it in my coat pocket. so then i put it back in his bag, and now some fucking how its in MY bookbag again, i cant accept that… everyone is telling me to keep it , but i cant do that. we BOTH work hard for our money, i cant just take it -___- thats just not me. so now i have to find a way to get him to take it, im ablee to get the iphone my damn self D: and if this is his way of giving me something special for valentines day, i dont want it… i just want to spend time with my boyfriend. thats IT. and maybe tons of cuddling, nothing more…. GEEEZZ . 

OH! and i made a brain out of cake too, like complete cake, it was YUMMIE TOO :D 

i better have gotten an A” on my damn project shit.

im tired as fuck tho guys, i stayed up til 4 and woke up at 7 , shits crazy.

i done fucked sattya’s sleeping scedule up too . im a horrible person. lOl “

but we went shopping & i SPLUURRGGED like crazy, she gone teach me how to budget some day tho. but just not today haha . she’s a lovely friend :] she gone teach me how to cook too. lOl , yes tumblr. i cant freaking cook… sad .

anyway, im gonna just lay here and tumble. come talk to me bitches.

(Source: modriazul)

Chapter two” page eleven .

wow! its febuary 11th already ? cool. im not watching the grammy’s like all of you cool people because im poor and i dont have cable, so BLEH! insted im going to be working on this lame brain project. but im kinda geek’d cus im making it out of a giant cupcake LMBO , i should probably be doing that right now so i can go over @sattyasnapshots house : ] butt im not. i will tho. soooo, tuesday is valentines day man! D: i need to get my baby something, we FINALLY got over our little “issuee” we had, glad thats over. we still have alot to cover but atleast we are past that, im just gonna get really pretty for him and take him for some dinner &’ he wants to go to see chronicle. i still have to think of something to get him O__O” WHAT DO YOU GUYS LIKE?! [besides sex, because we arent doing that] lOl . i want it to be special and natural, maybe we’ll just hangg at my house after and cuddle, and watch love movies (cept, he hates love movies) idk ill think of something, so now let me go work on my brain so i can go to my frands house on a school night eheheh, BAHHYYE .

(Source: modriazul)

chapter two” page 1O

I’m at work… bored.. and all I can do is think, I cried today. I cant remember the last time Ive cried…..I’m not happy with where my life is going.. everything just feels BAD” at the moment, feels like my friends aren’t there.. but I know they are… its a pride thingg… I just REALLY need some venting time.. some girl talk or something.. & yet I still smileeeee ~

chapter twoo” page 9 .

I want to make things work with my boyfriendd” I said something today that could’ve possibly ended us, I thought that’s what I wanted… maybe that’s not wat I wanted after-all, its to early to feel this way ~ some things GOTTA changee tho. if we wanna keep moving forward. I’m just not feeling it sometimes, & talking to him is getting harder :/ ugh! I need help. …

Chapter two” page eight.

im not sure how much longer my relationship is going to last.

im just not feeling it. i know its kinda to early to feel this way, but its not where i had imagined it would be at this point. make sense?

i find him being on my mind less & less, seems he could care less about us

and things are just … dlkfjdwlkjfa;ldj ’ idk maybe im overreaccting

im just not sure HE is who i want. oh boy </3”

(Source: modriazul)

Chapter one” page 28 .

i havent been doing this alot lately because my life has been REALLY boring, but i suppose ill tell you about this past day because it has been SOME rollercoaster. and i could kinda use some help … so !

yesturday after work i went and hung out with one of my friends chrissan, hes a guy. we used to kinda talk but since i got into a relationship we just been falling off as friends that we promised to be so i decided to hang out with him, you know. give him some time since I’ve been basically dissing him all the time. so I went over we just watched movies and talked and stuff.. you know friend shit. i ended up staying over. we went out for a midnight snack , ran out of gas and basically coasted to a gas station, it was really funny actually. lOl ” so yea, that all happend and then i came home this morning and took my mother out for lunch, it was nice i had some BANGIN hot mango chicken, best! invention. EVER! no lie, lMBO ” and right after i went to work, this is where the complications start, my day was FINE until i layed eyes on my boyfriend, he was just giving me the DIRTIEST looks, like as if i killed his cat or something. i couldnt take it, so i said something to him on break and he’s just so half-assed about everything he says , now me. personally i dont fucking know what i could have done to him. he doesnt know about me staying over chrissans, and i have no problem telling him, but i just KNOW hes going to make a big deal, idk WHAT! hes mad about but apparently, he wants to “cuss me the fuck out”  so we gona solve all this tomorrow, i just hope nothing is ruined, i like him. i REALLY do, i just think its WAY! to early for this type of shit, hasnt even been a month, so i guess i just gotta wait and see what this is all about, i hate that feeling tho. i really wanna know what i did wrong to this guy -__-

the end. 

i needed to vent somehow. 

(Source: modriazul)

Chapter one” page 22 .

im just going to say this past weekend has been the best, if tonight goes as i hope it does.  i spent quality time with my two sisters and it just felt good. no work. no worries, it was just. perfect. we talked laughed , danced, sang, everything… i just met my two sisters this year and i feel like ive known them all my life :) we did the cinnamon challenge and some weird bread challenge lOl ” my sister (shay) funny she has the same name as mee, and shes EXACTLY like me, like completely. its amazing <3 i love both of my sisters a bunch, and wish to spend time with them more , and i cant forget about my pops! hes the best, no he wasnt apart of my life for 1O years, but look shit happens and atleast hes trying his best to be apart of our lives now :) i love my familyy <3 

(Source: modriazul)

Chapter one” page 21 .

today was a HELLUH” a day, i woke up early as HELL-O! because my boyfriend made me go to school super early, me. lets just say i dont do school early, ever! lOl ” i make it RIGHT! on time. but today was okay, nothing exciting went to school and work. lOl” me & my babe had a water fight at work, it was funny we played it off pretty well too if i must say myself. ended up staying at work 25 EXTRA minutes, which kinda pissed me off , my mom doesnt love me she forgot ALL about me. she always does. lOl so now im at home just listening to music, tumbling… wishing i could see my baby but its like snowing so idk how thats gonna work out tonight, guess ill just knock out since i cant see him D: kk thats the 411, PEACE :)

(Source: modriazul)

chapter one” page sixteen,

today, lastnight, this morning… was magnificent. 

my baby spent the night with me last night and we just stayed up allll night long together listening to music and arguing over who has better taste, which is of course me. sadly we will NEVER agree on our music, but you knoow thats okay lOl . . we just talked and play fought and kissed and cuddled and took pictures. i even got to tumblee :) now thats some perfectness right there. couldnt ask for it to be any different, i love the way things flow with us, i love how i still have enough room to miss him, better yet CRAVE his presence even though , we go to the same school. he works with me and to top it all off he lives RIGHT around the corner from me lOl ” i still have the room to miss his face, touch, smell &” voice.  ew. i just sounded like a girl, but hey…. it be like that sometimes. i went to this MLK showcase today to see some of my friends preform , it was great. got to see my highschool band play for the last time b\C we are all basically graduating. #sigh, there are a few things i will miss, but life is about moving forward. right? anyway, i had a pretty nice day today. my boyfriend fell asleep on me so im just going to eat this food watch pretty little liars and knock out  [ ; good night tumblr. XOXOX -

(Source: modriazul)

chapter one” page 13-15

these past days have been … . interesting

nothing actually at all happened , i got paid friday ^.^ i pimped my room out so now i never want to leave it but i always have too because of stupid work, but you know. whatever. so yea. i just been spending alot of time w” my favoritee sister @brezzyxbri” got high like these past few nights. and acted a fool LMBO we went to see the devil inside, IDC that movie was actually good. it was just the ending that sucked, bri &” i came to the conclusion that the people who made the movie were assfucks. but overall good documentary type thing.  but yes, now im just waiting for my baby to come so i can get my cuddle on… yup 

(Source: modriazul)

Chapter one” page 12

1|12|12 ” so today wasn’t anything special I skipped school cus I’m cool, uhh I just basically spent the day cleaning my room and washing my 4 loads of clothes :/ nothing exciting now its raining so I’m just gonna sit here and listen to it rain and talk to my baby… ohyeaaaa! and I get my internet back tomorrow, Y E S!

Chapter one” page 3-11

I kinda figured id fall off on this but I’m determined to keep my little diary going… . okay, so these past few days havent been much of anything I spent the rest of my break w” nate . we started actually dating on the 5th, its really adorable how it came about… he really is special to me so far, he’s very different &’ mature for his age. he makes me CRAVE him and that’s something that always keeps me interested in a guy, I H A T E to be suffocatedd … we reached our first little bump on the road a little early but everything will be just f i n e ~ other than my love life, lifes been pretty okay for me here been getting a lot of hours at work. ohyeaaa AND I GOT ACCEPTED INTO A COLLEGE, I was afraid I’ve been soo shitty this year tht I wouldn’t make it into college but I got accepted to ESU ( ; IM super happy and glad to know I didn’t let my mom dwn :) I’m the first to make it this far in my family w/out a baby or dropping out… so yea, my life this past week.. I’m pretty happy were things are. I’m sure something will comee &” fuck it all up soon… but ill live for now, kae byeeee ;)

chapter one” page two,

1|2|12 " yesterday was indeed a nice day, i uummm didn’t wake up until like 5pm i’ve been partying to much lately lOl . so i skype’d with my goodfriend|promdate :3 and then went to the pizzashop w| my mcdonalds husband nate <3 it was cool, cept he wouldnt let me even buy my own food.  I hate when guys buy me stuff, idk i just do. We then walked back to his place in the freaking freezing cold. Then i demolished my buffalo chicken sub #NOMNOMNOM. so yea we hanged watched TV &” cuddled it was cute, finally i was in a situation where a guy wasn’t only thinking about one thing.  funny thing about this kidd is that i started not to like him at the beginning, idk im having a hard time liking anyone, but i get a different impression from him.  he has different intentions, nothing happened all night, i stayed the entire night and all we did was cuddle talk and play board games.  IF! i were to get into a relationship, this is the way i want it to be.  yesturday|this morning was amazing :)